maybe everything doesn't happen for a reason

I recently listened to the book: "Everything happens for a reason (and other lies I've loved)" by Kate Bowler. It's the story of her journey through cancer and how maybe everything doesn't happen for a reason.. yes God is sovereign, yes he's good, but this is a broken world. There is hurt and pain beyond our understanding and to write it all off as "God's plan" or "Everything happens for a reason" is... I don't know even know.

Now I'm not going through cancer, but I have felt that unexplainable-ness in a different way.


 Saturday, August 10th, 2019 was an awesome day full of laughs and adventure with friends during a
weekend at camp. We got finished tubing on the lake and they decided to go get dinner. Not feeling great I stayed back to call home. I could tell right away that my Mom's voice was off.
 "oh no, something probably happened to one of the kittens they rescued," I thought, But then she said Rowan, and my heart sunk.

Rowan was a cat, yes just a cat, but also no, not just a cat.







On August 19th, 2018 my sister Sarah found a tiny grey tabby kitten when she went to take care of the chickens. We named him Rowan and over the next few months, I socialized him from a stray to a part of the family. He would follow me everywhere, sleep on my lap when he could, wake me up in the morning to snuggle and be waiting for me on the banister when I got back from work. He brought me so much joy and was such a gift.







                    "The screen somehow came loose and he escaped, oh Abby I'm so sorry!"


Rowan never found his way back.  I never thought he would. I knew he was gone.

Why?

It's been 6 months and it still hurts sometimes.

Why?

He was only a year old, I was planning to have him for at least a decade.

Why?

Maybe sometimes there are no answers

Humility

Ah camp, my favorite place. It's also the place you tend to learn the most at.

 Your campers tend to idolize you a bit, whether you mean to or not those kids are gonna look up to you. They ask you questions, they think you're cool, they like how you know how to play the ukulele and draw. It's very easy to get caught up in the attention and let it "go to your head" so to speak, and really it feels good to get attention and be popular with your campers, But that's not what camp's for.. So what are you gonna do about it? How do you interact with your campers yet not bring too much attention to yourself? 

  1: Be mindful of what you say.

Pay attention on what you're saying. and how you're saying it.

  2: Reflect Jesus.

Whatever you say or do reflect it back to God, that way when kids think you're cool you can tell them how cool God is. When they see how you sing in chapel, they will also what to sing. When they hear you pray or see you read the bible, they will want to learn more about what you're doing. 

  3: Pray!

Seems like an obvious thing but really, really, take time to pray and ask God for awareness and strength. At camp, taking the time to just slow down and talk to God is incredibly important, especially for fellow introverts like me.

"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love."

- Ephesians 4:2

(what a great verse for camp)

Don't think so highly of yourself. 

God has a way of humbling people,

 "For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” - Luke 14-11

At camp this past year God humbled me by showing that: I can't do things on my own. Ok well I did, but they didn't go well and always left me frustrated. But every time I let go and let God do his thing instead of me trying myself, things happened soooo much better. So don't go thinking you can do everything on your own, because God's way is way better than our way. I like thinking of Philippians 2:14 but flipped: "I can do all things though Christ who strengthens me" becomes "I can do nothing without Christ who strengthens me"

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you" - 1 Peter 5:6

Now the dictionary says:

Humility: "a modest or low view of one's own importance"

Now this definition has some truth but is also kinda wrong at the same time. Yes, we shouldn't think too highly of ourselves and we should always remember our place and that God is God. But God doesn't want us to think of ourselves as unimportant, we are his workmanship created for a purpose. God loves us. You are important.

"Humility is not thinking less of yourself

 but thinking of yourself less."

I think it kinda comes down to: Putting others before yourself and not thinking yourself better than anyone else. Even Jesus, God himself came and served us humans. 

"Even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

- Matthew 20:28